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We’d always kiss goodnight, though, hugging in darkened hallways and whispering long after everyone else had fallen asleep. He turned down the first real pass, the one I made in college, a few weeks after the night of the scarf, before I broke my engagement. I turned down the next one, that he made a few years after college, just after I started dating a co-worker at my social work job, cursing my poor timing but pushing him away at the same time. He turned down the next one, made by mail, when he was in Berkeley newly single and I was in New York newly single and I said alright already, lets do this, and he said No. I was angry, terribly angry, cursing him out on the phone long-distance in an argument I could ill-afford. And so I devoted myself to the man I’d eventually marry, and separate from this year, and he married the woman he’d lived with for years. We kept on being friends. I became friends with his wife. He and my husband were never close, though, I always suspected that. She felt relieved in her decision. She had been unsure about how to proceed with all of it. She was scared of so many things about their long term relationship; she had just been very confident they would resolve it. For instance, she had been raised in Islam, and while she certainly rejected a lot of the radicalized hogwash, she generally believed in many of its teachings, accepting Allah as her god and Mohammad as the last prophet. She wasn’t a particularly strict observer of it, but she did believe in it, and did not want to give it up for somebody who was Jewish.She had intuitively understood that Josh was Jewish in roughly the same pattern: he was not what some would call ‘Orthodox’, nor was he a strict observer, but he believed in the tenets of his religion, and considered himself Jewish for reasons other than his parents being so. She could accept that, too. She could accept them being a couple of not only mixed race, but mixed religion, as well. She believed he could.
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